From my personal journal | 3rd of March 2011 | Up
Last couple of days I’ve been feeling pretty good, great in fact… cracking jokes, laughing, hugging my wife and daughter lots, smiling. I’ve also been pretty calm and relatively focussed on things. Concentration and productivity at work has been good too.
I don’t know what to put this down to really. I have spells like this and I wish I could put my finger on how to stay like this. The only thing I know has been different the last week has been a bit of sunshine and an air of spring in the air, which has aided in managing to get out on my bike quite a bit. Exercise generally helps me focus and calms me, so it’s likely this is contributing to a better sense of well being.
I’m still left with a couple of concerns though. One is that I know feeling like this tends to be an up phase and so there’s likely to be another dip in emotions at some point. The other thing, which adds weight to the first one, is that when feeling like this, I tend to be quite flippant. I crack jokes when maybe it’s not appropriate and also tend to be focussed on the now, with little thought of consequences. This is especially so with making plans and spending money. While on an ‘up’ I can see things and think “yeah, that would be great”, get instantly excited about it and jump straight in without really thinking things through. This has a tendency to come back and bite me later, either with a sense of guilt or worse… if a decision effects someone else badly. I’m trying to stay very aware of this at the moment.